We all have secrets, but many people have secrets that we let control our lives and they can cause a lot of trouble for us. Learn how to deal with these secrets, putting them aside so they don’t affect your life anymore; so that you can live free from the guilt and regret that can be associated with these secrets.
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My husband had an affair a few years ago. He doesn’t know that I know that it went on for over two years, and that he was telling the other woman that he loved her, etc. When I decided to put it behind us, I believed that I could move on eventually. I can forgive him, but I still think about him and this other woman daily. My fear is that talking about it will only make things worse.
sorry honey, but your thoughts will always prop up w/ some sort of anger. He cheated on you and he will do it again unless you know he has repented his sins
My husband and I had some problems related to another woman. It was a very difficult time and lasted for a while. We were both Christians. I never gave up–partly because I believed that divorce was not an option and that God hates it and partly, I believe, because I just couldn’t let go. There are always two people involved in marriage problems. I was not perfect either. We finally reconciled and it never happened again. He just passed away in February of this year. Not long after, I thought how glad I was that I never gave up. THe last few years were wonderful, and he served God in so many ways, dying with a great testimony.. I know he is in Heaaven now. What if I had just quit loving him?
My husband fools himself into believing he can be friends with women with no chance of sexual intimacy, however, this has never happened. In the past, every relationship became sexual, even when he was married to his first wife, even her best friends.
Now that we are married, he still, on occasion, has secret phone conversations, emails, etc. with women. I always find out and he still tries to convince me nothing is happening, that God wants him to reach out to people in need, even if they are women. We are both Christians and I believe he loves the Lord, but until he sees the dangers in this behavior, nothing will change.
I face him with these problems whenever they arise. It is not easy, he does not want to talk about it. I suggest that you, for yourself, talk to your husband, get it out in the open, otherwise you will never fully heal. God can use a healed person for HIS glory.
My husband had an affair with a neighbor and good friend. Our families did everything together. We stopped the relationship with this family. We still live across the street from them No intention to move.
I have found great strength in the Lord and his Word. I study and have confirmed that God is my only strength. My husband has admitted to the entire affair and that he has had affairs in the past. I have forgiven both my husband and this woman. He asked for my forgiveness and has repented she has never asked but I felt compelled to forgive her for my peace.
I am very uncomfortable and get angry when this woman says hello to my children as if nothing has happened…it never has made sense to me that she is not ashamed. I am letting this control me and am prayerful that God will give me an answer through this site.
I ask God to forgive me for dwelling on this. Can you guide me to scripture for some guidance.
My husband has had several episodes in our relationship. It usually happened when I was pregnant or busy on a project (like getting a job after college). He’d make a “friend” he could talk to then you know the rest. He insists that he only slept with one after I called her and left work to meet her. I had my parents heep the kids and my father went with me to meet her (just in case). I took her to the house to bust him together. I forced him to make a decision and explained to her that she wasn’t the first. He has walked a straight line since. I still have questions and picture her face. I still have nightmares of the two of them and what he said to and did with her. She knew about me but thought we were getting a divorce (I saw a false paper he had created). I questioned why for so long. What was wrong with me? Why did he ask me to marry him if he wasn’t going to be true to me? Then I realized…It had nothing to do with me. He was stillcoming home to me. The other women were never better looking, never thinner, and never had more than me. They were people who had nothing. Ones that would worship him and do anything because they had no education nor employment. ALL of them were either in assisted living or moving from friend to friend. They were no better….just something different. He was raised that a woman should be seen and not heard…then he married me. We are still recovering. He knows he won’t get another chance. He now remembers why he wanted me in the first place. I do still wonder when the next time will be and how he will blame me for it because I am not there (hello raising his children and teaching others). I too wonder when it will get easier. This was 4 years ago.
I am so happy that I now have people that I can talk to who have been there too!
Thanks
Hang in there. I’m a man who cheated on his wife, and I know i will always be looking for someone else. I don’t know why wives forgive husbands like me.
My husband has these intimate secretive phone conversations with other women. We have been married five years, but four years now, i discover him either meeting a woman secretly or some form of contact. We are both christians, he claims he has never had an affair with them and is just helping them through some problems. I am so sick of going through this pain like thrice every year. I have tried my best to get him to talk with me about these women, but he always claims he is nolonger in contact with them, until i discover him again.What can i do, i am a christian and do not want to divorce, but i have just about given up.
Jim, I would suggest that you read the book, “Everyman’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn. This may explain why you need to be ‘always looking’, and how you can find a better way.
Here is a descriptive bit from the back cover. “Shattering the perception that men are unable to control their thought lives and roving eyes, “Every Man’s Battle” shares the stories of dozens who have escaped the trap of sexual immorality and presents a practical, detailed plan for any man who desires sexual purity — perfect for men who have fallen in the past, those who want to remain strong today, and all who want to overcome temptation in the future.”
It also includes a special section for women, designed to help them understand and support the men they love.
Jim, let me suggest that you read Stephen Arterburn’s book called, “Everyman’s Battle”. It could release you from always having to be looking for someone else. Here is a descriptive bit from the back cover: “Shattering the perception that men are unable to control their thought lives and roving eyes, “Everyman’s Battle” shares the stories of dozens who have escaped the trap of sexual immorality and presents a practical, detailed plan for any man who desires sexual purity–perfect for men who have fallen in the past, those who want to remain strong today, and all who want to overcome temptation in the future.”
It also includes a special section for women, designed to help them understand and support the men they love.
People need to realize that there are different forms of extramarital “affairs”. An extramarital affair is:
1.A search for fulfillment outside the marriage.
2.An escape from a struggling marriage.
3.A result of carelessness within the marriage.
As such there can be different forms of extramarital affairs. These include sexual unfaithfulness; emotional bonding; career affairs; sports; hobbies; addictions;family; even church involvement.
I think that some of these are just a matter of balance, but when it involves another person of the opposite sex, emotional bonding can be just as hard to give up as sexual bonding.
an extramarital affair can be devastating, for men and women and can leave us feeling inadequate. i dont know how wives forgive their husbands, but atleast know that you are on the right track and Jesus knows exactly how you feel, because He also experienced cheating from friends( Peter, Judas). our goal during this life on earth should not be on worldly matters( easier said than done, i know).. but we are here for seventy, at the most eighty years( how does that even compare with eternity we are going to spend with Jesus if we just hang in there?). the bottomline every person has to understand is our accountablility is to God and Him alone. Live a life pleasing in His eyes, forgive the cheating partner, set ur life as an example.eighty years of suffering on earth is nothing compared to the eternity of happiness (beyond words) with Christ on High.
Hi everyone, i came to this site by the will of God i guess and im thankful. let me first introduce myself, Am a muslim woman and 23 years of age. i been sexually assoulted since i could have any memory of my childhood.i always wanted to dia but somehow it was never the time.i hated men bcoz every man who destroyed mylife is my own flesh and blood. i never had any men friends or aquintance since i was a child.when i was 20 i met this guy 37 year old, Zee (not his real name) in a shop while making a purchase. i ran from him eversince.today looking back at about 4 years ago and we’ve been going out.somehow deep down in myheart he heals my pain, he makes my shivers go away when hes near me,i could finally talk to a man and i learnt to love with all my heart…it was a painful and long journey for me…when i know he was married and had 2 boys.im a child therapist and pharmacist for sexually assoulted children, just to add. my heart broke but i couldnt move from the world i was in. i went far away from him, i tried to be with men for the first time, i was in bed with a man to up too a point before i freaked out, went hystreric and fainted…and eventually i got sick so badly until i had opeations and mental disorder. frankly am not fully recovered still…i still love him with every beat and soul of my heart. He want to marry me as his second wife, his wife who is a professor threaten to kill me, sabotage my reputation and i dont even know where am heading to. im writing this story of my pain becouse i want all the woman from the other side of the issue to know that there could be a 2 sides to a coin. am not rationalizing my love or the fact that i had a horrible life as a reason for what am goint thru. its just that the pain i went thru is finally healing a little with him,and as a human being dont i deserve to be happy too?? im in a very difficult point in mylife right now bcoz if i do marry him, then i have to be responsible for the fall of his marriage. he loves her alot too….but what makes my heart stop are the boys…one of the reason why children become bad people ae just becouse they were scared to see their parents who were once living together to go their own seperate ways…i know the picture will be perfect with out me there..he would forget me and everyone will be happy…